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Month: April 2019

The Wolf’s Lair

The Wolf’s Lair

Before we get started, I want to confirm that there are no Adolf Hitlers in my Lair, I just like wolves and lairs okay.

Yesterday I travelled 122 miles to my very own undisclosed lair, it’s undisclosed because there I have many trinkets and treasures, national secrets and technologies unthought of by human civilisations. To be honest it’s the special branch of lairs.

Underneath sheets and cobwebs I saw what I came for, a rusty dusty bicycle. With flat tyres and jammed gears, it wasn’t the bike I remembered. My Dad bought it for me as a gift from a man on site when I said I wanted to go across America, and although it came to the auditions unfortunately I Simon Cowelled it in round 1.

As you can imagine its not the best start to a relationship, but I’m here to try and work it out. He’s definitely on the small side, his suspension is seized, his gears don’t work, and he just genuinely needs some TLC. Luckily for him, I am Mr TLC so he’s in the right place for a resurrection.

I just went online to see what this bike was about and when he was born, turns out he arrived in 2010 at 13.55kg, mother and baby were doing well. Ironically the seventh site on google was for a stolen one, I hope he wasn’t stolen!

This week I will get to work on him, I want a working bike for this upcoming 4 day weekend because I cant sit around in the flat for 96 hours. I’m going to go to Halfords to price up what needs to be done, it will be a real cost analysis because I’m sure there will be working bikes out there for around the same money.

In addition, my dear pal Coxy phoned me earlier today. He was chatting to a bloke who has a bike he wants to sell. I don’t know anything about it, all I know is that it’s a tourer and its cheap.

You are about to witness the fitness on a budget cycle from Land’s End to John o’ Groats, and it’s going to be fantastic!

Yours in cycling,


The Spanner in the Works

The Spanner in the Works

It’s as the title says; I’ve got a teeny tiny problem.

Being all patriotic I wanted a British bike. Being all flashy I wanted a show stopping bike. But being all realistic there were just two ways I was going to pull it off.

Option 1: The Cycle to Work Scheme through work. It’s a dream come true, you pick the bike, ride off with it same day with up to a 42% discount and pay the remainder over 12 months. Deal.

Option 2: Contact British bike manufacturers on LinkedIn, tell them I’m literally the bollocks at cycling, I’ve breezed across America and I’ve got 7 likes on my Facebook page. In response they recognise a no brainer and give me their top spec bike same day delivery for being such a top-notch influencer. Double Deal.

Reality can be cruel, I received two reality checks this week.

Reality check 1: To qualify for the dreamy Cycle to Work scheme you need to be out of your probation period, I’ve worked there 3 months, my probation is 6 months. Turns out I’m not going to be cycling to work (or from Lands End to John O’ Groats shhhhh) anytime soon.

Reality Check 2: I ain’t shit! What was I thinking contacting them haha. I’m Dan Boyle, the man who cycles once every two years, doesn’t care about the spec of the bike and has 7 likes on his Facebook page.

“You could just buy a bike at RRP like everyone else” I hear you say… Well I’m going to be honest with you, I’m at a period in my life where my outgoings are £5 more then my incomings. In business they call it a temporary cashflow issue. In life they call it being skint.

But alas all is not lost!

In a secret location 112 miles away, I have a bike… he was bought for £40 about 2 years ago and hasn’t seen the light of day since. He’s going to need some work but in the words of Baloo and Mowgli he’s got the, bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, so I won’t have no worries and no strife. Classic.

I’m off to the bunker to pick him up tomorrow and I’ll be taking him to the bike doctors for a check-up/surgery/resurrection.

He’s not British which is heart-breaking, but I’ll tell you what is British…..a stiff upper lip!

Yours in cycling,


Rule, Brittania!

Rule, Brittania!

Here we go again!

I’ve made a decision, a few days ago I announced a new adventure. Before this summer is over I will be pedalling the whole length of my motherland, Great Britain! The trip will see me set off in Land’s End Cornwall and arrive in John O Groats Scotland, but it’s the bit in the middle that tickles my pickle.

This is a well traversed route on the road but to be honest that’s not where I want to be. The roads in America had massive hard shoulders and I rarely saw traffic, however from my experience on British roads it’s a bit tighter and more congested. As a result, I’m heading off road!

Since I gave away my bike on the West Coast of America in July 2017, I haven’t ridden another. I still think about him before I go to sleep some nights, wondering where life has taken him. Last I heard he was day tripping around Oregon with his new owner. On top of that next to my TV back here in Essex I have the Brooks saddle that took me on the greatest adventure of my life to date, I can literally see it right now.

But enough of the reminiscing of good days gone by. I’m fitter, I’m badder and I’m sure as hell a liar, lol. In keeping with my journey a few years ago I won’t bother with any hectic training or trips to the lab for genetic engineering. I mean, I run once a week and eat all of my greens, so I’ll be in a similar position to last time.

I want to talk and talk and talk about this trip, but attention spans are attention spans, so I’ll leave it there for now.

Stay tuned for bike selection, gps selection, hammock selection, charity selection & date selection.

Yours in cycling once again,